And so let me say, without pause today
That this is the way I have been since the day
I came into this world, like a clog in a sink
The last of a body that can’t even think
About children anymore, my mother’s womb
This tired, removed, down-trodden wound
The first slaps of air hit me dead in the face
I feel like I knew then I was headed this way
I remember as a boy sitting down late one night
Realizing how beautiful it felt in Mom’s night-gown
She walked in to see her son in her dress
Taken back in denial, she did her fuckin best
To grab a shirt from my dad made of the same cloth
But a shirt is a shirt and the feeling was lost
We both went to bed that night with a little more age
It was a few years later when I hit the bars of my cage
While you were promised marriage, I was promised AIDS
Smacked my head and looked up to see God starring down
Singing songs with every other boy in my town
But with me he looked sad and he never said a word
So I vowed then and there to live life eternal
I accepted those truths and I sang those songs
I got up on Sunday and made sure to be on time
I wrote poems and stories about church and the lord
And when a nightgown came up I just turned and ignored
But some hair grew on my chest and my voice got real low
And when my balls dropped I tried not to show
The world when and what made my dick grow
I did my best dance around how sick I felt
At the very idea of what’d become of myself
And I never wanted to be the one that fell
From the lord
But I was never asked if that was okay
They saw my limp wrists, and they just shoved me away
But I can still remember those final days with a God even now
Watching his face slowly leave as that angry crowd
Pushed us further away every day
And I never asked for this
I never asked for this
I never wanted this shit
I never wanted this shit
I have loved women deep within my soul
And I’ve loved deep women and I can’t let that go
But I also know
What I can’t do
I am also aware of this glaring truth
No matter how funny this might sound to you
With all the hate I’ve been getting I get through
So you keep this in mind next time you wanna say
Some stupid shit ‘bout how you feel about gays
Some stupid shit ‘bout how you don’t agree
Some stupid shit ‘bout ‘that shit’s on me’
Some stupid shit ‘bout none is free of sin
Some stupid shit like I wanted this
I never wanted this
I don’t want this
But this
Is who I am
This is my face
This is my skin
This is my hair
This is essence
And no matter how you feel about this truth
This shit hurts me far more than it hurts you
I try to defend my brethren
My queers brothers and sisters out there dealin’
But the trouble is we are everywhere
And for us to join up is really unfair
For one group to attempt with ease
For the gays to join up would take world peace
And I aint seen anything looks like that to me
But I’m tired of this shield and my elbow hurts
And I’d rather take dick pills sleeping with girls
Than go on another decade as some topic debate
Who knows? Maybe this is simply the way
I feel because I was raised white
And I don’t know what it’s like in this life
Of living every day with at least some of a fight
Between the life that you lead and the one that’s around you
And I just have to get used to the what’s getting used to
But I must say it’s a whole new kind of hard
With very few struggling elders to call on
Because no one said Dr. King had a choice
No one refused to hear Fitzgerald’s voice
Because she could’ve chose to stop the color of her skin
Because black was her choice and dark was her sin
It was a whole different approach the white man took
Now the white man’s part of us writing this book
On hate in a way that’s invisibly strong
Telling our insides and inseams what they think is wrong
And every group of people gets their chance to deal
With coming to terms with the invisible feelings
Of their sons and daughters and what they can’t hold in
And seems like every fucking group gotta call it a sin
As we throw up our hands and sigh and just leave
Because we don’t have the breathe to explain exactly
Why it hurts before our eyes go moist
And our throats close up can’t make no more noise
I can’t take one more ignorant voice
Talking to me like it’s some fuckin choice
