Something Old, Something New - for Christin

The stars we came from are heavy 

With knowing. 

So old. 

We borrow our lives for a brief whisper of time

Sowing ourselves into the earth

Time and again 

With a whip stitch 

And each time create 

Something new 

For them to know 

With Benefits

The sun gets ready like an old old woman
To put itself to bed
At an early hour, even in the summertime
Rubbing itself with some salve and turning on the nightlight
Thats when whatever it is that is inside of me
Starts to rise with the moon
There is something white inside of me
Something I have carried all day
Something I have protected like a penguin father
And guarded like a momma bird
It is within the part of me I keep the most warm
And it is the same color as the moon
It bursts out of me like a falling star
And every time the old lady sun goes to bed
It is ready to come out

So I make my way to the man I choose
The man I have auditioned
Though he didn't know it
The one who I have come to know
Knows what I know
To be worth knowing
Who I will know
In a biblical sense
When I get there

And when we meet we are still wearing clothes
We are full of casual conversation
But we know it is the first precursor to the beginning of the table of contents before even the dedication
That comes from the first chapter
Of our foreplay
And as I sit down my bag I look at what the day has done to him
He looks at how I behave at my resting state
And though we do not say it
We are taken back by the domestic simplicity of our everyday beauty

And then we kiss
And it starts as hello
We are still holding a bag
Or untucking a shirt
But whatever it was we were doing has stopped and really all thats going on
Is whatever is going on
In between our lips
And his taste a certain way
And mine feel different than his
And they are different sizes
And they are different ages
And they have tasted different things
And when they meet
No matter what it is we are thinking to ourselves
We know that we should keep quiet
While our lips exchange all of their stories with one another

So then he grabs my back
And then I grab his arms
And he feels for what I have worked on
And I feel for what I remember the last time we were here
And since our eyes are closed
We read our bodies like braille

And he pulls up my shirt
And I take off his hat
And there are some men that keep the arms down low
And thats fine if you are hooking up
If you are trying to fuck and go
But if you are here to make a night of it
If you want to lie in bed and smoke after
Then that is when you grab his face
You put your hand, softly around his ear
You fucking cradle his cheek
And you do it like a Disney Prince
Or you dont do it at all

You feel his hair
He feels you waist

And the clothes have come off
And you use the part of yourself that you use the most to communicate
To accept what his body has to say
You lick you bite you suck you kiss you tongue
Every part of him you want to know more about
You go back to the animals we once were long ago
And you use every sense you have to understand
Every last thing you can
About his body

And you stand there for a moment
There is always a moment
When you both stand there and just look at your two dicks
And how your abs reach down to them like gentlemen - noble gentlemen
Standing at the bottom of a grand staircase
And you respect in that moment
How fucking beautiful it is that between the two of you
There is bound to be a back and forth
Flow of power
Alpha and Beta
And one of you will lose
And one of you will win
And you will both enjoy the results
And you will both enjoy the fight
And you will both be satisfied
With the battle

And even if he fucks you
Even if you fuck him
You will wrestle
You will kiss in order to hold onto one another
More than you will use your arms

Even if you are submissive
Exclusively
There will always be a moment when you are still 'the man'
And you will look into his eyes and say
"Ok. I'm ready. I trust you. Come inside me."
And even if you only fuck him
Dominating all the while
There will be a moment when you stand there
In submission and ask him
"May I, please, with your permission, take you somewhere wonderful?"

And then he will
And you will guide him
Into a place that is wonderful
Inside of you

To put something inside someone
To let that someone in
It is an agreement to run
Hand in hand
Slower at first
And then with great speed
Up a never ending staircase
Until you can see the whole world
And then turn around together
And scream in joy as you slide
All the way back to earth
As you did once on the playground
As a child

Inside of all gay men
All men who fuck other men
Is a submission
Is a dominance
That wears many looks
It wears trucker hats
And fishnets
It wears scratchy beards
And clean shaven assholes
And it is dressed how it wants to be dressed
But it always comes to the same battle field
It is the only battle ever fought on earth
That is fought with grace
And filled only with pleasure
But it is a battle
You toss and turn
You flip to see who is on top
Heads or tails
Heads and tails
And the bed sometimes breaks
Because you are both men
And your shoulders are square
And your feet are big
And you have a thickness to you no matter what size
That only men have


And then no matter where you shoot your seed
You do it with the other person
You do it on or in or beside the other man with you
And that part of the both of you
That looks just like the moon
Shoots as hard as it can
Out of you
And into the world
And no matter where it lands
It grows something instantly
Something that feels like a starburst
And a starburst is new life
And then there you lay
Two whole new universes
Between the two of you
Under the sheets
While whoever lost the battle
Lays his head on top of the chest
Of the one now called Alpha
And he listens to the heartbeat
Of a man who went to the sky
With you


A man who went all the way up there with me
To shoot off stars together
A man who can always look up into the night sky
And know that one of those stars was my fault
And one of them was his
His star was my fault
And my star
Was because
Of him.