Crash

I love you mostly 

Because I loved you so fast

And you can see my books of poetry

You can read how quickly I do this

But you can feel when you read them 

And watch them

Turn to silence 

For a while 

That I have felt ashamed each time

Of how

Quickly I have felt that love

Like it's somehow terrible 

Or immature

Or thoughtless of me

To fall in love so fast

But it's not

And what I love most about you 

Is that I loved you quickly

And you saw

How truly wonderful that was

You understood

Instantly 

That it was the only way to live

It has taken years for us to be hurt

Years to built up rocks around our beaches

Years to wear them down

Years to turn them to sand

But the excitement of the ocean

You and I both know

Lies in how quickly

The waters can change

And freely the waves will crash

That's the way to live

That's the way to celebrate each other

So let me start 

From this day 

A list of all the reasons that I love you 

But I will keep pinned

To the top of that list

That you loved me back

And I knew it

By the way 

You looked at me

When you saw 

That I 

Was about to crash 

Into you.

My Own Damned Self

You keep telling me
That I invite heartbreak
Into my life
Because I do not yet
Love my own damn self

I disagree
I love me
I say

If you love you
You replied
Then why
Are you still letting this happen?



 

Lock Screen

I keep looking at my phone
Hoping to god I hear from you
Forgetting that its better than looking at your phone
Knowing that I'll find evidence of your cheating
I keep looking at my phone
Searching for a symbol
That you still want me
Forgetting that I was always looking at my phone
Before I met you, too
I'm just stuck somewhere between
Looking for you
And complaining about you

I am stuck somewhere between
Fuck you
And
I miss you

I am stuck somewhere between
Looking at my phone
And throwing it

I've Got One, Too

As a straight woman

You're gifted a heart that can hear 

The world before it even says 

What's on its mind 

A sensitivity

An intuition

And an expectation that men 

Will court you 

That they will explain to you 

(The good ones anyway) 

Why it is that you should let them 

Enter you 

That is your blessing 

Your curse 

Is that all men cheat

They will do what they want 

When they are done with you 

And your intuition 

Will feel that too 

And your heart is all knowing 

But it is fragile 

So

Deal with it 

And as a straight man 

You are given this fantastic 

Machine gun 

This rapid fire dick 

Free to shoot and endless supply 

Of seed

Into the universe as you desire 

And an expectation that you will do so

That is your blessing 

But you've been cursed with the

Same thing 

A heart too weak to fight off the bullets

Of a gun that needs to be fired 

Of shots you are just too

Compelled to take 

Such that you know without a doubt 

That you will break the heart 

Of everything

You try to love 

And as a gay man 

I am saddled with most of it

But no one explains to us 

Why we should let them do 

Anything to you

And frankly I am tired 

Of loving as a woman 

Living as a man 

Fighting my urges to thrust 

The entire city at once

So I may let someone in 

In hopes that they 

May do the same 

When I know without a doubt 

That they couldn't possibly 

And I probably can't either 

I know the truth 

And it's a weapon

It's time I stop ignoring 

That at the very least

I've got one, too 

Coward

An awful demon grabbed my

Arms last night and held me down 

I fought back 

And he shook the bed 

I dragged him out of my dreams 

Woke up 

And the bed was still shaking 

The demon was still there 

We were still fighting 

"Who is this?!" I demanded 

"What are you afraid of?" He replied 

"You are what I am afraid of!" I screamed 

"Exactly." He laughed 

"Go away!" And I fought

Him harder

And the bed shook 

"You cannot fight me" he mocked me

"You fight harder I just hold on tighter"

He was in my face above me 

And so

In a moment 

I calmed myself long enough 

To say that last minute prayer 

"God. Help."

And it occurred to me

All bathed in white 

That I cannot fight him 

Afraid that I will lose

I have to relax, simply 

And let him go

Certain that I will win.

The bed stopped shaking. 

But he is still in my closet

I'm watched him fly in there.

Coward. 

Tether

You were once my tugboat

Helping pull my floating 

Barge

Thinking larger 

But you sank

With a 'no thanks'

Now you're an anchor 

But I got a knife now

And it is somehow

All I've ever been given from love 

Goodbye honey 

I'll reach down myself

Into the swells 

Of the waves with my knife

To exhaust my biceps 

Just to save my life 

From sinking 

Goodbye. 

Clippers

You've got the clippers on the right side of my head 

Shaving for me 

Like I asked you if you would do

And you said yes 

You told me

Hey

Tell me if it hurts 

Is it really that simple?

Just tell you when you get too close 

To thank you for this favor 

Tell you when I don't like the way it looks 

Even though I appreciate the effort 

I can't stand to hear you ask me 

To tell you when it hurts 

With clippers in your hand 

If my heart is also

In your teeth 

Hell I Don't Know

There is a certain story I heard

Once about how you cannot see 

An electron as it is 

Because the moment you shine light on it

It's something else 

Photons? Hell I don't know 

But I know that I completely understand 

The concept 

You will never love me 

None of you men will

Because the moment that you shine that light on me

I am something else 

Entirely 

The Princes

There's a saturation all around me

Dripping like some Seattle rain

Of gay man sweat from gyms

And vodka spilled on bars

Dripping down your stools

Dripping from testosterone needles

From ocean wet hair 

And dripped cum down the side of stomachs 

As you stand up to find your pants

And dripping puss from the inevitable 

Whoops shot in the butt diagnosis

There is so much dripping 

Among the name dropping 

Of my gayborhood 

That the princes of this town 

Are the ones that ride up 

On a white horse 

With an umbrella 

And ask you 

If perhaps 

You'd like to not

Have sex 

Tonight

And you look up at them 

Soaking wet 

With dripping tears in your eyes

That you didn't even know were coming 

And say thank you 

Yes 

Thank you

If for nothing else

Showing some of us

That we don't have to sit out here 

And get wet.