The First Year

All comets keep moving

Until they find an orbit

Then its only a matter of learning

To enjoy the view.

Though some comets just crash

Into the surface

having faith in the places

They are crashing into.

Christmas 2011

Sitting in silence
And knowing he is there.

Marlboro Red One Hundreds

The world is happening around me and I can
See myself sit there, the American
As the banks fall and crumble down to their knees
Finally having the same money issues as me
And a new wave of hippies sits to lament
On guitars the struggle of the ninety nine percent
And the countries are screaming from poverty, disease
We wonder whats next for good ‘ol HIV
And wonder what it is that our children will see
And why a black president didn’t make us all free
I can’t help but see me
Doing the best I can
To not understand
See me. American.
It’s officially too much and I know I’m no use
To anyone when I’m in tears and I refuse
To let the way that world is being abused
Make my cigarettes burn any faster
Be it financial meltdown or medical disaster
I’m done
It’s enough
I’m through
Thank you
I did what I can
And I don’t have a plan
Love, American.

Lies

I am a poet
Was not one of them.
I am
Was not one of them.
I
Was not one of them.

Stained Glass

I have a hummingbird heartbeat
That’s all it is
When I was born my mother said
It was just beating so fast
When they laid me on her chest
Never mind the speed
I just don’t sleep
Because I love the moonlight
I’m an artist, you
Understand, of course.

I drift away to sleep
Slowly
On my sponsor’s couch
I remember the story my mother told me
Of how I was alone for the first few minutes of my life
Because they ran so many tests on me
And I remember how fast
I used to be able
To think of the most beautiful lies
While I watch the moonlight
Reflect through his stained glass
Hummingbird

Basement

Every fucking where I go
When I put my head to the ground
I can hear louder than the rest of the noises
Somebody’s phone is vibrating
I cannot see how long I’ve been
Sober I cannot see how I am rebuilding
From the ground up while
I am still stuck in the rubble
All I can hear is what I am no longer
And the echoing crane truck promise noise
Of how wonderful this new structure will be
I cannot see how sober I’ve become
As I push with all of my might
A wooden board off of my face
And see a fence
At my construction site
With a big sign posted
Touting a painting of the building
That is ‘Coming Soon!’
It looks fantastic
And miles away from this hole
In the ground they say will be the basement
It looks so clean
I think
As I rest my head against
The rubble pile
And feel the vibrations of someone
Else’s cell phone somewhere
And I am reminded that all I really know
Is that it is not mine.

Wisest Is He...

Once I took some ‘shrooms
And I sat by a brook
I threw stones at the water
And watched as I took
Fistfuls of pebbles
And great chunks of rock
And into the brook
I gave them a toss
And screamed
'I don’t know'
For six hours
I screamed at the stream
Like some sort of coward
Because I just did not know.

And everything it seems
Is just screaming
At me
That I do.
But I don’t.
I don’t know.

And they tell me that you do
They tell me you know
But I have some questions
As far as that goes.

Most important of all
Why do you tell me I know
When I don’t?

Because I don’t know.
So don’t look at me.
I would love the relief
Of just being me
For a day
I would love to know
That I’m not some savior
If only until
I can save
Myself.

But they tell me you know
So here it goes
Why the hell am I here
And why am I frozen?
How the hell do I follow the path that you’ve chosen?
And what business do I have with a choice, then
At all?

And if I am sick
Then will I be well?
And if this is just sick I can’t
Imagine hell
And if my sickness hurts
The ones that I love
And I didn't pick this from
A optional list...
Then why aren’t they sick?
Am I some catalyst?
And then what sense
Does any of it
Make
At all?

I don’t know.

But they tell me you know
And I should know you
So here is my chance to
Do what I’m told to
And here is my peace
To bring unto thee
If you just speak up
Then I’ll stop all this asking
But please promise me
That you won’t get tired
Of hearing me ask
Every time I get tired
Why?
Because…
I don’t know.

But I do know
That in these moments
That I ask you
I don’t know
Who I am
Anymore

And I like the way
My replacement
Tastes

So far they’re right.
And they say that you know.
Somaybe I don’t know
Who I am.

At least
I know

I don’t know

Unfortunate

So you make a deal with the devil
But you find you can't breathe
And the worst of your trouble
You can't seem to speak
Call your friends say its time
And hold your breath deep
'Cause as sad as it is
It was the change that you need.

Oh

Oh the things
My brain creates
Both dreaming
And awake.