All the Time 2

When I think about love I think about you 

And love is what stays on my mind.

When I think about you I think about love

And I wanna tell you what I'm thinking all the time 

Sunrise

As I am now 30

And my hands can attest to that

Seeing as they show the wrinkles of 

My handiwork and time

More than anything

Seeing as no hairs have yet to

Turn grey

And no real lines are

Blazing any trails

On my face

....yet

I can only imagine it best

And most fitting

That these aged hands

Be the ones to write about you

And what you've done to me.

You've gotten me to 30.

And not only to 30-

You've gotten me

To Sunrise.

Somewhere in my 20s

I was given the name

Moon Beam.

And as I - as many

Do in their 20s 

Sought out my own identity

Via an homage

To a Native tribe I belonged to  

Several DNA strands ago

Long since white-washed

But undeniably a part of my history...

I came upon sacred ceremonies.

I came upon a ceremony that gave me my 

Real name

My spirit name

They said:

Was Moon Beam

And I tattooed that name across my hands

As I - as many

In their 20s 

Would do. 

The hand that writes about you

This old hand

Says 'Moon' across the knuckle

And it seems, again, logical

That it does

Because, again

You have given me

Sunrise.

And when, in my 20s

I sought these ceremonies

I also came across a blessing

From a Native Tribe of the American Southwest

That was simply the offering of:

Sunrise.

That was the blessing. 

Because what a blessing

The Sunrise

Truly is

Every day. 

I was a creature of the night

And may very well always be

I am not sure which tense to use

And I may well never be

But time passes

Hands wrinkle

And the Sun

Will always rise.

What happens to the Moon

When the Sun takes

Over?

What happens to the boy in his 20s

Who has run, screaming

Laughing

Crying

Fighting

Sleeping

Dying

and Flying

Through this world

When the ratio of questions to answers in life

Begins to shift

And this child of the Moon

Begins to finally catch his breath?

What was going to happen to me?

Where does the Moon go

Knowing, nervously 

That the Sun will be here soon?

The Moon, it seems

Remains exactly where it is.

The Moon

Is still

The Moon

Even if he can't be seen.

Whomever did or did not whisper

Into my ear

Somewhere along the way

That growing up

Was a scary, scary thing

Was wrong to tell me that-

But wasn't wrong at all. 

And I am sure that the Moon's 

Very first Sunrise

Must have scared the shit out of him. 

I hope the Moon had you

Or whatever you would have been to the Moon.

I hope that when that happened

For the first time

There was something like you there

To be as kind to him

As you have be to me - 

The Beam. 

I do not know what I am doing.

I have no idea what now.

I don't know where I am going.

But I have to go there

And I have to figure out how. 

How absolutely absurd!

What a mess.

What next?

What now?

I suppose you must be

My Twilight.

Yes, that must be you.

Because I have never seen a Twilight

That didn't know 

What to do.

A Twilight

Getting married

To the child of the Moon.

My Twilight-

You've invited me

To come and take your hand.

You've listened while I panicked

And smiled without answers.

I suppose I don't need answers

I don't really need

To know

I just need someone to listen

Who has seen Sunrise before

Someone who knows.

Marry me, 

My Twilight

Because Sunrise never stops.

I want to know this blessing.

I want to thank it every time.

I want to be your promise.

I want you to be mine. 

I want to give you Sunsets

And I want to shine my light

I want to show you Moon Beams

Lighting up the skies.

So take us to the mornings

And we'll live such a life.

I will give us all the evenings

And you'll give us

Sunrise.

Hatch

I know that I am some kind of bird
Some kind of flying thing
With hands so full of too much time
And behind those hands are wings

I remember what it was to fly
I remember my first flaps
I have seen a future where I soar
But I've forgotten I must hatch

Perhaps I am a hummingbird
That bird goes back and forth
If thats the bird that can go back
Then I am that bird, for sure

I am going back to then
To the time I should've hatched
If I do not start my story
Then my story will not last

I leave the 'now' to go hatch
But I will come back to my prime
I must go see myself again
See myself for the first time

Tell Me How

Tell me how

You can pick up

The weight of an entire day

With only the strength of your smile

Tell me how you

Can start an entire journey

By starting all over again

Every morning with me

Tell me how someone

So strong

Can hold me without any pressure

I ask you to tell me

Knowing I will never

Hear you say it

You only know how 

To show me

Every single day

How you can 

Hold

You have my heart

You always have 

And I thank you 

For taking such great care of it

I promise I'll always hold yours

Like a sacred silence 

Not even the birds

Dare break 

Mom's Day

I might hail 

From Cincinnati 

If you're asking where I'm from

But I hail to

Dionysus 

Until the bottle's done.

If you ask where 

I am going

You'll see where I have been

I tried the vodka 

and the beer

I've even tried the gin

But now I'm pushing 

Thirty

And I'm looking at the grapes 

I'm not drinking to go out 

But I'm still looking to escape

Hail Dionysus 

Hail the vine

And hail the kitchen table

Call the girls

And pop the cork

We're gonna sip

While we're still able

Understand

Thank god for the little girl who sat beside me

On that flight when I wanted to die

But didn't care either way

Thank god she looked over at my phone 

And smiled 

When she saw the little mermaid playing 

I don't understand children

But I understand how wonderful it is

That they understand 

Me

Lesbian

My fingers are pruney and my pussy is soaked

My body she tingles my backbone is sloped

I see my breathe exhaled in the night

My cunt is a rocket and she is in flight 

The take off we nailed the headboard is raw

My cunt she flies high but my eyelids they fall

Break Up

You don't really know 

mental illness 

until you've sung

A break up song 

to your own self.

Not Just Love

I think perhaps it is all dreams

A human dares to dream

and not just love 

that arrive to change your life 

when you least expect it. 

Humps and Thumps to Swerve Around Words

Ugh fuck it I'm headed to bed.

Anyway I'm on fire with words 

And leaving on a *high* note, so...

Have a lovely day my 

phenomenally curved 

Girl who is heard

Speaking her words

Via making her thumps.

Thumps so the grunting 

men can learn something 

From the constant rumbling

And distant drumming of 

Athena gone hunting 

Looking for nothing 

But from where it's coming 

these beats that keep thumping 

From she who is something

To hear in the woods.

You do what feels good 

Like today you could 

Pretend to be loud 

And let out your sound 

Without being worried 

Athena would hurry

If she could hear fury

In your fingers 

You know that bitch, though

She's all for a solo

One woman show

She's not gonna throw

Herself into you so

Just silently know

Athena likes a chase

It's basic

Don't waste 

A full day

On some just-in-case 

Play

When we know the day

She finds you she'll say 

OMG hit this bong

Now this drum and hit strong 

And she'll join along 

In your wordless song

That welcomes the dawn

And battles her yawns

With its power to perk-up Athena.

It's not a battle cry if you're drumming, my sister. It's a battle sound.

Longing for the Deep

Live with me on the ocean floor

Sleep with me on the beach 

Travel on from shore to shore

We'll never buy, but lease

I want your lips forever more

Until as sea foam we're deceased

I'm alive where the birds soar

But I'm longing for the deep 

Helios Sex Party 2015

Somewhere a desert 

Hasn't seen rain in ages

But oh

Oh lord the drips 

The drops of the young sailors

Next to pools

They made and then lay naked beside to tan 

He is mine now and I

I am his too

But I 

Oh I dare say friends

Madness! I am no ones

I am the guest star!

People spend 40 years in an office

A choice they don't feel is a choice

So that they can finally choose

To come to this mirage 

And listen to the palm trees

And yet I sit 

Between sand and sun

Wondering why I haven't 

Forced my choices into an office

And the palm trees sway 

Thankful for the holiday weekend

Because they know it may take

More than a day

For me to fully soak up

This hot tub 

I drop my expectations

And drop to my knees

Instead to talk to the voices

That I forget are always there

And I give up trying to force myself

To give a body to the men

Who need me to own it

I scream

Listen! 

I'm here! Tell me why!

And I fell asleep

I woke up in a hot tub with the stars

And one by one

They came to me

Not on me

Not in me

To me

And wept

And I wept 

And I told them it was going to be ok

And they believed me

I believed me too

LA

Los Angeles is a city full of people 

realizing they can do a lot 

more good in the world 

if they are only famous 

to the people right in front of them. 

Lies About Myself

The lies I've been told 

About myself

By myself

Can only be proven guilty

When I prove my innocence

I cannot simply accept

That I am not evil

If I do not prove how good I am

And I cannot do that by myself

I need to help you 

Too

Tell Her Why

You decided 

That you were the man of the house 

You decided 

We got to whisper and you got to shout 

You decided

We were ungrateful hungry mouths

So you decided

To look for a better way out 

And when you decided 

To take your life in your own hands 

You decided 

That you could just change all our plans

Because that's 

What's family stands for 

To you 

Now I'm here at your grave

And I'm not your little baby

Anymore 

I stand face to face

Tears to grave

And im telling you 

Now you're gonna tell me why you did it 

Tell me why you think I deserved your worst

Don't you try hiding behind your decisions 

After all that you put me through 

I won't make it easy for you

Won't make it easy for you 

 

You decided 

As I stumbled home from the bar

You decided 

That your own house was too far

You decided 

That you could make me a star

You decided 

That you would just pin down my arms

In case I 

Came to

In case I 

Didn't want you to

In case I scream 

You'd convince me 

It was a dream 

And not a nightmare 

And maybe no one will hear

When I scream 

In that room 

Maybe no one will hear 

When I scream on the stand 

But now here I stand 

Woman to man 

Demanding

Now you're gonna tell me why you did it 

Tell me why you think I deserved your worst

Don't you try hiding behind your decisions 

After all that you put me through 

I won't make it easy for you

Won't make it easy for you 

You decided 

That I was just a conquest 

You decided 

That that's what I offered at best 

You decided 

That I didn't need to know about your life

You decided 

That for me and your wife

And you made all your decisions

Without knowing the other side 

Knowing on the inside 

All I've survived 

So as you stand there 

Tears in your eyes 

Wondering why 

I'm saying goodbye 

Ask where will I go 

Because you don't know 

That I know 

The whole 

Story 

I'll look into your eyes

And do for you 

What I know I wanted too

Now I'm gonna tell you why i did it 

Tell you why I think you deserved the worst

I won't  try hiding behind your decisions 

After all that you put me through 

I won't make it easy for you

Won't make it easy for you