Off My Chest

Here again I sit
So sick
Of this shit
I let myself slip
Into

Someone asks me a question
Expecting whatever I say in return
Will make them laugh
And instead I suck the energy out of the room
And send it into
That blank space
That's all over my face
I'm deflated
Because of you

I try to be cool
I try to live in the middle of the road
Let shit go
But the very thing that makes you want me
From the moment we meet
Is the very thing that makes you run
Within the first week
Intensity
But you have got to understand
That I am a mess
And I have no plans to clean anytime soon
I do not listen to the way that the rain sounds
And imagine a battalion of fallen angels
Bouncing off the sidewalk
And making street lights glow
Only so that I can turn around
And be totally 'chill, bro' about
The sexual energy
Of you pounding someone else
On your bed
And then expecting
Me to come lay
In his pussy juice
If I imagine stars are little bits of
Art
From the past
Lighting skies for the eyes
Of new hands to keep passing
The buck
Then why the fuck
Would you think I just
Go
With the flow
Of knowing
His hole
Was full of your meat
While you pumped your seed
Into the sheets
That you want me to lay on
While we cuddle to sleep
You do not get to choose
The extremes
Of me
You want the sun
Then you deal with the heat
You want the moon
Then you deal with me
If you want my passion in between sheets
Then you deal with my jealous fits on the street
If you want my heart to rest at your feet
Then you hug me close
And exclusively
Or you can be free
But be timely
With your decision
Because I am a mess and as you may know
When you look at your room and the clothes on the floor
Messes move quick


If you see a mess
And it makes you give up
If you see a mess
And it makes you uncomfortable
If you see a mess
And its not what you want
Then when the time comes
Just dont sign up

Dont make me believe
That you're going to push
Yourself to a place
Where you think of me
And what I must need
Consistently
Dont watch me do that
For you
And think how lovely a gift
And how unexpected
Like its a lovely gesture
And you're just free to enjoy
Its an agreement
That you'll do the same
I am not insane
For expecting your ways
To also change
From day
One

And if that is
Too much to ask for
Then when you see my beauty
At the art show
Hanging so perfectly
Admiring the chaos
In how crazy I speak
Do me
A favor
And keep walking
To the next painting
In the gallery
Because I am a mess
A big, complicated
Intricate, modern
Abstract
That you may just adore
But there is no room for
Me in your foyer

So stop
Trying
To take
Me
Home
Unless you know
Exactly where I'll go
In your home
Unless my mess
Compliments the rest
Of your nest
Unless your bed
Is a sacred resting
Place for your chest
To ask for my head
To come hear the best
Of what your heart beat
Has
To offer

And for God's sake
Before me becomes we
Keep your mess but
Change your sheets
For me

Suck

If you were a pipe
You would be cashed
Keep trying to burn
Shit from your past
But you need to see
The wasted rehash
Of once you once had
Just isn't lasting
It's laughable
It's tragic
You're pulling for more
High but you're crashing
Relax
It's natural
And it's not moving fast
But that's
Just that
The facts
So relax 

Writing Assignment

Write me a letter
That I can just ruin with
Tear stains
Give me something to look at
While I cover my lap in drops
From my eyes
And something to listen to
That tells me its ok to cry
That now is the time
To let the poses go
And ugly cry
Write me a letter about an itsy bitsy spider
And his journey up the spout
Then turn around and tell me
To bring down the rain
And wash the spider out

Longevity

You can write a paper
And I can write a poem
And yours will keep them talking
And mine will keep me going
And he can write a song
That makes me write a poem
His will kill me softly
And mine will help him know me

Slay

I'm in there
Like a dagger
Throwing laughter
At
Their gut

The Park

I don't have to tell you
About his skin
You already know the whole
Mocha brown coffee with cream
glistening in the sun bit
Its been said before
And I am sure you know all about
the tall dark and handsome
But let me tell you
How the sweat rolling down his neck
Onto his chest
took the wet from my neck
Straight down to my head
How the colors of the blue blue sky
And the neon vest
And the orange signs
And the white tank top
popped so bright against his skin
I can barely talk about it while standing
In fact, let me sit
Because when I talk about it
All the blood from my head on my neck
Goes to the head on my dick


He was digging
Working out in the sun
And when he pushed that shovel into the ground
You could tell the ground liked it
You could tell he had made a promise to the earth
That it would be in heaven
If it just let him do his thing
And he made sure every time he thrust down
That he went
Deep


And I was jealous of the earth
I wanted him
whoever he was
And more than even water that day
I needed him by the time
this 100 degree sun went down


He must have been from South America
But I didn't know where
Because I was just a gringo
And ignorant to geography
and while I see how ignorant that is
In this moment somehow it made me feel sexy
Not like dumb cum dump sexy
But sexy like
"Teach me, please"
I was open
for him to dig some holes
For him to fill them



His face was just so dark
And his eyebrows
So thick
And his lips
So wet
With sweat
That I wished
Belonged to me



and by the time he saw me
Giving him everything I had from across the park
His it was too late
Because his friend had seen me too




Thank God
And I really mean that
Thank God I had the place to myself tonight


His friend
My friend I hoped
Was even more encouraging
And the two of them exchanged laughter about me
From across the park
And it was not laughter with me
It was laughter at me
And I was rock hard
Thinking about the way I was being objectified
This was a time
This was a place
A context
Which is everything
In which I wanted it
I wanted to be ogled
Gracias



When I opened the door to my apartment
them following inside
The first of many times they'd follow me inside, I hoped
I was hesitant
Because who knew what the machismo deal was here?
But these guys. They knew why they were here
Which helped the language barrier
So little had to be spoken
As they ripped my little white boy clothes
From my little white boy body



"Yo quiero tu leche papi"
"haha! si mija?"
"si papi. mucho leche por favor"
"rico papi rico"



And that was the extent of what we needed to say with our mouths
From that point on they were busy


They had hair. Such hair.
Hair above their dicks -long and black
Hair on their balls -low hanging balls, full and swollen
Hair in the small of their backs
Fuck yes
Hair on their legs
Wisps on their chest
And the rest was just tight tight skin
tightened by the sun
covering arms and chests and legs and feet and fingers
that knew hard work
in a way that i had not



My body I was so proud of for
Its olive skin
was like a snow next to them
my hands I had worked so hard with
cleaning houses and lifting weights
it knew nothing of real work
because of the estrogen running just beneath my skin
But these two - they had nothing but testosterone
and plenty of it
Judging by the size of their nuts



And one by one
I took them into my mouth
As I sucked one into the back of my throat
The other undressed me
touched me like a sweet delicate thing
In a way I forgot I could even feel
And then we switched
And then they both stood above me
Looking down on me
Watching me
With both a begging for me to continue
And an assertion to keep going
This sort of welcomed bully look
Telling me
Hey buddy. I hope you are ready. This isn't going to be easy. And you are going to love it."
Not "but you are going to love it"
No No
"AND you are going to love it"



and I did
The smell of their sweat
Which I love
I am 'into that'
Was so overwhelming when I licked their nipples
And let me tell you
NOTHING sends more shivers to my hole
than the smell of a sweaty man
Far more alpha than I will be
a man who is clearly sweating because he knows
How much work he is going to do
Inside of me



As one slid deep into me
Asking for no permission
knowing how much was already implied
then I felt him take up every space
That I had to give
And he hit my spot
the moment he got
Inside



my back arched like a cat in heat
And heat was all I could think of anymore
I took his friend into my mouth
Because I moan pretty loud
And I needed something to muffle the noise


that's when the holy grail of three ways happened!
our rhythm synced up
It almost never happens
As one papi thrust into my hole
the other accepted my mouth
Then papi thrust his dick down my throat
and the papi behind me accepted my hole



I was like a swing set on the park in which I met these men
And it was my pleasure to watch them play
They congratulated one another
And took turns
For what seemed like hours
and I didn't look at the time
because what the fuck is time
just keep filling my spaces



I was obedient
I followed taps to my thigh when told to turn over
because, again, who needs words?


And when one shot inside me?
The heat got hotter
His cum was delivered in buckets
Like lazy painters working on the inside of me
not bothering with brush strokes
just throwing cans of paint all over
And he screamed
Which is a universal language
And then he let me taste him
and his taste was sweet
he had just been in an oven essentially
so it was no surprise he tasted like dessert


And his friend used that cum
all that seed
that leche, papi
as lube
and squirts of it came out of me
and onto his balls as he fucked me
it covered his pubes
like confetti
like someone broke a snow globe
and poured it all over his dick
And he loved the extra lubrication
The swing set had turned into a slide now
And I could all but here him cry "WEEEE!"


Until he too screamed
And it translated easily into English
though I knew exactly what it meant regardless
And the inside of me was no longer just painted with leche
It was doused in it
I felt like finally
on this balmy summer day
someone had opened up a fire hydrant
inside of me


and then I tasted him too
And he tasted like a treat too
but this time
with his friend's icing on top



I did not cum
I did not know about my dick until after they had kissed my cummy mouth
And left in a hurry
because who knows anything about the outside
in a time like that?


And I laid there wondering what the fuck I would dream of next
How could I come up with something new to want
Because they took the top of my wish list
And fucked it into pieces
In the middle of my mundane afternoon
They took me to the park
They took me as the park
And let me play

If I Were a Top

I was asked to write a top/bottom version of Beyonce's "If I Were a Boy". Here it is...

If I Were a Top

If I were a top
If thats how I was made
I'd roll out of bed in the morning, and wouldn't try to put on a show
It would not be a surprise
To catch someone's desire
And I'd walk just where I wanted
And I'd never feel hunted for it
Cause the hunting's for me

If I were a top
I think I could understand
How it feels to hold a pearl
I swear I'd have a better plan
And I'd sooth the burns
Cause I'd know how it hurts
When you look for some protection
From a house you both can live in
And everything you build just gets burnt

If I were a top
I would turn off my phone
Tell the bottoms that it's broken
So they don't see that I've got a new home
I'd put myself first
And make the rules and then go
Cause I know that they'd be patient
Doing what I say with high hopes (With high hopes)

If I were a top
I think I could understand
How it feels to hold a pearl
And build a house somewhere that would stand
And I'd kiss where it burns
Cause I'd know how it hurts
When you spend your life just building
Up a home that top can come to
But you find that you keep living alone

Its a little to late for you to come back
Try and tear down my walls
Then move on 'til you relax
If you thought you still lived in here
You thought wrong

But you're just a top
And you don't understand
How it feels to hold a pearl
Someday you'd wish that you had ever planned
You don't try to return
And you don't know how to earn
All of the love that they've been giving
Cause you're taking them for granted
And every house you lived in has burned

But you're just a top...