Halloween 2011

I would rather own my life
As a person who spends every day surviving
Than give myself up to
An existence based on pushing myself
Towards lofty, unrealistic goals
That, when taken into context, are
Unfair
And call it 'daring to dream'.

For today
I dare to dream
Of my own best life.
Not someone else's.

Me, Personally

I won't
Be expecting
A call
From him
Because
I can't
Be expecting
A call
From him.

Question

For starters
Perfect answer

Rocking Chairs - Goodbye

Tell me about the time
That you snuck into the party
For the girls and they all loved you
Tell me about the time you wowed the crowds as a waiter
When you rubbed salt on your wounds
The time you discovered Madonna
Tell me anything I ask
But you respond
By asking for a poem
A certain way
A certain idea
Jumping off point
You don’t just appreciate
As I’d hoped and for which
I was thankful
But you asked for more
You give me a list
As we sit in rocking chairs
On my front porch
And practice for our old age together
When I can ask you to tell me
About times you did things
That only act as reminders
Because I was there, too
And you can still be feeding me ideas
For poems
And I’ll eat them.

Of You

I ask so many things
Of you
That I hardly have time to listen
And I find myself
After some time
Asking only as a test
To hear again 'yes'
Of you
While you blame it on your age
And blame it on your race
And blame it on your masculinity
Each of these true
But we both know the truth
That I am much better
At rubbing my eyes and blinking as a child
Tired
And wide-eyed
Is this true?
I wonder
Christmas
Fails
Beside this
While you are much better at listening
And saying yes
Because you are the only person I have met
Fully free to love
As stated in the rules
That say
Only love when you love yourself
Everyone else I know
Myself, god knows
Finds the path to self love
Inside of someone else
You've loved yourself so long
You've moved on to me
And I sit
Ever thankful
And you listen
While I am convinced
Which is more than I could ever ask
Of you

Him

It was a man
Some man
A specific sort of prick
Who started the idea
Of power
Over women
Not with them

That idea caught on
As something scary
Entirely scary
To everyone
Not just women

It was a man
That pushed his way across the room
In front of your children
Into your face
And down your throat
It was a man
In particular

And it was every man
In between those two
That has suffered
From a fear
Of this scary idea
We must all dominate you
Provide for you
Perform at our best
And conceal all tender sighs

And it is this man
In particular
Myself specifically
Who respects that scary idea
Inside himself
With fear
And occasionally stops worrying about
What it does to you
Long enough to worry about
What it does
To himself

Long enough to hate
For a moment
The man down your throat
His lazy acceptance
Of this scary thing
Inside of him
Fed to him
That told him it was okay
That told him hitting you
Was appropriate

It is this man, still
This man I am
That struggles
With understanding
That man
Too
Because the same voice that told you to stay with him
Told him to make you leave
It is a big, scary thing
That voice

You are one woman
Though
In the know
And someone who took the chance
To see that voice
Objectively
One woman
Much later
Aware
Of what
Was there
Then
Now

We are not to be forgiven
For our sins against you
We are not to be lamented
For our side of the pain
We are expected to be brilliant
And that should still remain
We are required to be open
To the power we've been given

To use it for good
To give it away
And
To notice
Yours
Too.

We cannot undo the guns at our sides
We use them to pee
But we use them to plant
Just as easily
As we use them to kill

Now you are one woman
With room for one last man
A specific sort of man

And I am just one man
Who cannot change the world
At once
But can explain it
Over and over again

And I will show you what
Your one last man can do
From a lens reserved for my eyes only
And give you a glimpse
Of what real is
Really what is

I ask only that you keep
Covering your ears
To the scary voice screaming
When that one last man
Finally
Whispers softly
Into them.

,even

We saw the seed tonight
We looked into the moments
We loved each other the most
We saw the seed that lived behind
In isolation
Behind the thing itself
The moment
Whether it was my love for you
When I see you in the passenger’s seat
Dancing and singing while I drive
Or the moments I live for
When you are at your least desirable
Embarrassing and otherwise awkward
Or when anger is spit forth in passionate rage
The least desirable moments
The moments I love admitting aloud, even
That I am still happy to love you
Or the even the moments when I know you well enough
To know when you’re bullshitting at a party
All of the moments that I love you
All of the reasons
Your car seat butt warmers, even
All of the reasons
That I love you
Contain the seed we saw

And what we saw we’ll never forget
And we’ll look for it in everything we do

I saw your soul run from your core
With electric intensity out of you
Through your mouth
Into my kiss
And into the center of me
It was a two way street
And I felt a piece of me
Over in your seat
Like Hawaii
My far out island
But mine

And now I can see the personality I have
When I am with you
As is with everyone I know
In 2s
As a duo
This third personality
Not you
Not me
But me and you
And me in you
And you in me
Responsible for both personalities
And not in control of our own
But just as everyone I know
In 2s
Has this place we both live
They don’t have you
Like We do
And the love we have
Inside our third relationship
Leaves us talking at 2am
On the front porch each weekend
About how good this is
Like we were the only ones in the world
Who know how to be in love
Because if the whole world know this
There wouldn’t be the wars there are
Our love finds us posting whole albums of pictures
Of the two of us kissing
All over the internet
Proclaiming from the modern day rooftops
On a regular basis how in love we are
I get battle scars
From our love
I walk with hickees like it’s the 8th grade
And can’t help but live the way I want to live
And be proud of the sex that we’re having
Our love finds us
Constantly now
Pulsing like lightning through kisses
And pushing us to our feet
Inside every moment we get