If I were a straight man
I would take you in my arms and kiss your neck
Sniff your scent
And die knowing that your day went
Without me
And you survived
While
My insides
Were burning
And turning
Like a churning butter maid
Not just to get laid
But to unmake the made
Bed
Of your legs
But at the end of the day
I’m still man but gay
And so all I can say
Is how was your day
Without me
Carefree?
And clueless to what a world this would be
If you and me could be a we?
If I were a straight man I would die just to taste
Your lower back, and navel
I would paint you in sheets
And it would be shitty
But I would frame it anyway
Because that’s the real way
I see you from these eyes
I would color you with crayons
And sniff the ink
Making me think
Back to my childhood
When women could
Still love me knowing the falls
Watching me play with dolls
And making themselves happy
With the thoughts
If I were a straight man I would be your shield
From the worlds unfortunate reals
And the fakes
And the hate
And the shames
Of what straight boys actually are to straight women
Blind men given a Mark Rothko paintingand told it’s toilet paper
Told to beat and rape her
Told to lie and cheat her
Out of the man she deserves
That lives inside nervous
Too much to come out in any straight boy
Because coming out is for gay boys
Which just annoys
The real man inside of me
So now you can see
Perhaps what I live through
When you joke about the truth
That you wish I were straight
And how great
A couple we’d make
Knowing that what you say is real
Grab this scab and peel
Until you can see that your truth is my truth
And we must learn to deal
So sometimes when you call me
Asking why he
Would do such a thing
And I have to explain
The real worlds view of a man
Which is not what he can be
But what we let him be
To us
Just trust
That I cannot bare this phone call
For I’ve known all along
He would end it this way
And the only things I can say
Are “You’re so much better than what he makes you feel”
Wondering in fact what you really
Take to heart
And what you accept to be the truth
Simply because a gay man told you
We’ll you don’t quite see
That you are that to me
And I don’t have some violent images clouding my views
Of the phenomenal woman that is you
I sing your song I know the whole
Song and dance girl, cause that's my role
Too. I know how we do...
If I were to be rough with you
It would be the good way
Where you silently say
Dominate me
Unspoken permission
Into subtle submission
Overtoned with the knowing
That all this is a show
For you
But that’s if I were a straight man
So don’t ask me to explain
Why he left you this way
I’m learning the same
Symptoms each day
Of what happens when men behave this way
I may be a man when it comes down to brass tacks
But I’ve got the woman’s heart suffering the same attacks
And all I can do is laugh it off
A little girl lost
In a big boys shell
Knowing very well
I may treat some other gay man this way
One day
And someone somewhere will explain me away
To there friend
While I tell you
With some heartfelt reserve
That there was nothing you could have done to deserve this
It’s just the way it is
There’s only so much I can take
And I can
Heap it onto this man
Just if you can
Please understand
That I do what I can
To give you a safe landing
I just stop short of what it is that you need
Because the man in me
Is gay
Every night and every day
And that’s just the way
It goes
Just so
You know.
