Empty Room

It becomes difficult to draw the line
Between mourning all of the deaths
And celebrating all of the new lives
Inside
My life
You have every right to miss me
During my transition
I have no right to wonder why you do
I miss me too
And most of all I miss you
And how safe we felt together
But if it helps at all
I've come to realize
That just like other people
Can drink and smoke pot and not
Hurt themselves
But I cannot
Maybe other people can be loved
And not hurt themselves somehow with that
But just for now
I cannot.
Anything that feels good
Can be bad.
What if I am healing from you, too?
It's crazy I know you didn't
Do anything wrong at all
But picture me clearing it all out
Having a fire sale on things that make me feel good
Drugs, sex, and even fitness...and you.
And then there I am alone in a room
just
Just me
In a room
Outside you sit confused
But I'm just there in a room
And all I have is me
I'm not feeling good
I don't feel bad
I'm just honest and alone
Evaluating
Someday soon I'll maybe put in some windows
And drapes and
I'll paint
And I'll move some things back in
I'll decide where they
Fit
Best. I'll decide
A lot of things
I know you miss me
I miss you too
I'm sorry about everything
How it all got so cluttered
You can come back in
Eventually
But please
Its
Just me
In here
For now.