From my very first decision to get sober....
God.
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Grant me the serenity
To accept the Meth
To say the word
To accept the gang-bangs with drug dealers
Caught on film somewhere on the Internet
That punctuation at the end of a run on sentence
That began with a capital M
For Molestation at the beginning of my life
Allow me the peace to accept y HIV positive status
To see the positive in that status
To accept my HIV
As I have accepted the freckles, moles, uni-brows
And homosexuality in my life
Allow me the heart with enough need for love
That I can love my HIV because it is now
And forever will be a part of myself
Because I just love myself, one day, that much
That I wrap my arms around this disease
And welcome it int my family, regardless
Let me hug my HIV, God.
Allow me to love my body that much
Help me to feel united with the countless
Gay visionaries
The angels of the past who have
Died of AIDS
Help me to heal
And finally say
I’m sorry
I’m sorry that they died because of what they
Did not know
I’m sorry I chose to ignore what they
Died trying to tell me
And love myself enough to still feel
Part of that band of angels
Because I am a gay
Artist with HIV
Not just another
But indeed another
And help me see that we
Don’t just have
A disease in common
Help me see
That we
Are all sent here
With a message
Allow me to accept myself
And my past
That much
All of it.
Please.
The things I cannot change
Let me love them instead
God grant me the serenity to accept
The things I cannot change
And the courage to change
The things I can
Please God give me that strength
And start by letting me brave enough
To sit down and talk to myself
Because as crazy at it seems
After all the millions of hours I have spent
In my life
Chatting, gossiping, rambling, and shooting the shit
With other people
It will take a real and certain strength
I know
To finally sit down
Cut the shit
And talk
To myself
Help me to stop hating myself
And begging for everyone to fix me
Long enough to gather the courage
To love myself
And ask, instead, for someone
To help me
Help me stop worrying
What will happen
And start wondering
What will happen
Instead
God, give me the gusto
To sleep homeless if I need to
In park alone with my consequences
And accept them as my own
Allow me the vision to
See responsibility as a key to freedom
And not as a cage of punishment
Help me see what I did wrong
And what I’ve done right
With the same clarity
Help me finally stop focusing on myself
Inside of a friendship or a relationship
And instead focus on myself
Inside of a room alone
Help me fill that lonely, ugly room
With comfy furniture and unconditional love
God grant me the serenity to accept
The things I cannot change
The courage to change
The things I can
And the wisdom
To know the difference
Because right now it all just seems
Like the same to me
But I know I want to know
Someday
What it means to love my past
Because it is already
And to love my present
Because of what I do
Help me organize this messy, lonely room
Just me and you
And while I talk to myself in love
As I put away this stuff
Feel free to join in my
Conversation.
Amen.
God.
God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
Grant me the serenity
To accept the Meth
To say the word
To accept the gang-bangs with drug dealers
Caught on film somewhere on the Internet
That punctuation at the end of a run on sentence
That began with a capital M
For Molestation at the beginning of my life
Allow me the peace to accept y HIV positive status
To see the positive in that status
To accept my HIV
As I have accepted the freckles, moles, uni-brows
And homosexuality in my life
Allow me the heart with enough need for love
That I can love my HIV because it is now
And forever will be a part of myself
Because I just love myself, one day, that much
That I wrap my arms around this disease
And welcome it int my family, regardless
Let me hug my HIV, God.
Allow me to love my body that much
Help me to feel united with the countless
Gay visionaries
The angels of the past who have
Died of AIDS
Help me to heal
And finally say
I’m sorry
I’m sorry that they died because of what they
Did not know
I’m sorry I chose to ignore what they
Died trying to tell me
And love myself enough to still feel
Part of that band of angels
Because I am a gay
Artist with HIV
Not just another
But indeed another
And help me see that we
Don’t just have
A disease in common
Help me see
That we
Are all sent here
With a message
Allow me to accept myself
And my past
That much
All of it.
Please.
The things I cannot change
Let me love them instead
God grant me the serenity to accept
The things I cannot change
And the courage to change
The things I can
Please God give me that strength
And start by letting me brave enough
To sit down and talk to myself
Because as crazy at it seems
After all the millions of hours I have spent
In my life
Chatting, gossiping, rambling, and shooting the shit
With other people
It will take a real and certain strength
I know
To finally sit down
Cut the shit
And talk
To myself
Help me to stop hating myself
And begging for everyone to fix me
Long enough to gather the courage
To love myself
And ask, instead, for someone
To help me
Help me stop worrying
What will happen
And start wondering
What will happen
Instead
God, give me the gusto
To sleep homeless if I need to
In park alone with my consequences
And accept them as my own
Allow me the vision to
See responsibility as a key to freedom
And not as a cage of punishment
Help me see what I did wrong
And what I’ve done right
With the same clarity
Help me finally stop focusing on myself
Inside of a friendship or a relationship
And instead focus on myself
Inside of a room alone
Help me fill that lonely, ugly room
With comfy furniture and unconditional love
God grant me the serenity to accept
The things I cannot change
The courage to change
The things I can
And the wisdom
To know the difference
Because right now it all just seems
Like the same to me
But I know I want to know
Someday
What it means to love my past
Because it is already
And to love my present
Because of what I do
Help me organize this messy, lonely room
Just me and you
And while I talk to myself in love
As I put away this stuff
Feel free to join in my
Conversation.
Amen.
